“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is one of the first life lessons we learn as children. For the most part, it’s about looking past seemingly unappealing superficial traits to know the real person beneath them.
The saying can also work the other way around. Sometimes, we need to be wary of the overly pleasant person who may actually be hiding something sinister from within.
This was a topic of discussion in a recent Threads post, where people discussed the telltale signs of a covertly dangerous person masking themselves behind niceness. If you have trouble reading people, you may learn a thing or two just by scrolling through.
One of the biggest giveaways is when their kindness is conditional. They seem generous and respectful only as long as they get admiration, attention, or obedience. The moment they’re told “no,” criticized, or rejected, they become manipulative, guilt-tripping, angry, or quietly vindictive. Genuine kindness doesn’t disappear when expectations aren’t met
When they speak with obvious compliments that contain veiled negativity. Smiling as they try to take you down
They never express that they are angry, sad, disappointed. They are always “ok” and “fine” and “good”. These types of nice guys are DANGEROUS because they have made a habit of lying and their code/frequency is stuck at “inauthentic” and that makes them more likely to lie to you, gaslight you and make your authenticity a challenge to their ego.
I think one of the biggest tells is whether their kindness can survive a loss of control. I’ve seen people that seem extraordinarily nice as long as everyone around them is behaving in ways that keep them comfortable. You can learn a lot by watching who they become when they don’t get to control the outcome.
He wants to know all the ways you’ve been “hurt” in your life.
It sounds empathetic.. but hes not…he’s studying his prey.
When they’re performative, on the outside they seem charming just great all around but underneath they lack empathy, accountability, deflect, gaslight, use others as opportunities, will lied steal and cheat. They will be a perpetual victim of every failed relationship always rewriting the story for the “nice guy” to get pity. Confront them or have boundaries and EGO, arrogance and pride will reveal the nastiness underneath. The true them
Before they do something wrong, they start listing reasons WHY the person deserves it, it’s icky.
It all comes out when they get mad about something. How they deal with conflict or dissatisfaction or disappointment…that’s where the truth of them is.
Everyone was charmed by him, but you couldn’t get close to him or form a genuine connection. He was a narcissist.
Sometimes the most dangerous person in the room is the one who worked the hardest to convince everybody they’re the safest.
They ask inappropriate personal questions right off the bat. Immediately attempting to test boundaries.
Trying to separate themselves from men in general. Like “most men aren’t like me” or “I would never” type of talk.
Any self proclaimation of good qualities repeatedly. The eyes as well. A lot of “good guys” have dead eyes.
They get upset when the attention is off of them or they don’t receive validation for every idea they have
When they always seem to have just the right thing to say in the beginning of your relationship – they want what you want, etc.
Women in their past relationships broke their heart…cheated on them etc.
Before you know it, the “cute” jealousy starts….but it’s disguised as care.
I went on a dinner date once with a guy who said, “I’ll never cheat on you”, out of the blue. I stood up and said “You won’t get a chance” and drove myself home!
Mansplaining. It’s a sign they need to know more than you about everything. Good luck getting them to admit they are wrong
If he ever says “I’ll tell you what…” and then offers some minor favor dressed as a major kindness, RUN.
They mask their words as appearing articulate but at the end of the day they are just gaslighting you with lies about who you are to make you feel less than. When you go to someone in a shared circle for help they do not believe you because the man seems so articulate to them.
Says he only wants female friends to protect them, acts like a nice guy to get close to women, but secretly only collects women he finds attractive to see if any buy into his “I’m a catch, I’m not like other men” persona. Plot twist, he’s very much like other men, and worse.
When they only want men to be masculine and women to be feminine, and judge those who are different from that.
When they laugh at someone getting hurt, or at the idea of gratuitous violence.
The second you feel uncomfortable being yourself around them. The moment you feel yourself having to tone police a word or two or defend an idea with too much veracity. We are on a first date sir! I didn’t think I needed to bring my laptop and a dissertation for proof of my knowledge.
When they are extremely pushy about anything in a passive aggressive manner. The firm no is the trigger.
